You would have thought that I had enough of the Middle East with already having visited Qatar twice over the last year. Nope, the first two trips weren't enough so I recently made my third venture across the Atlantic to the sands of Cairo, Egypt. Despite my playful reluctance to place my body in a plane and propel myself across the seas again, I was eager to visit a city that I had only seen through television and history books. The trip itself was for business and trust me, three days of pure recruiting can take it's toll. Luckily for us, we had a colleague that was joining us who had lived in Cairo for a period of time and was able to facilitate our tourist-like behavior as we visited historical landmarks like the pyramids.

Prior to reaching Cairo there were several layovers we had to endure. In fact, one was over nine hours. Fortunately, that layover was in the entertaining city of Amsterdam in the Netherlands. Like a good citizen, I did my best to keep myself out of trouble, but naturally some trouble found me. We had nine hours to make the most out of the visit so we targeted two specific activities, the Heineken Experience, a brewery plant, and the Sex Museum, both in downtown Amsterdam.

Heineken Experience

We were looking forward to sampling some of the fine beers in Amsterdam, but the highlight was expected to be a tour of the Heineken plant. After arriving on location and shaking the doors a bit, we were greeted by a less than accepting sign that informed us that the tour was closed on Mondays. Although our taste buds were encouraging us to break down the doors, we elected to compromise by taking a few pictures and moving on. Rather than retreating back to the airport to simulate a scene from the movie The Terminal, we decided to continue our journey through the maze of streets in Amsterdam. Next stop, the Sex Museum.

A Tribute to Jenna

Even erotic superstars get tributes over in Amsterdam. Nothing says loving like a wax figure of Jenna Jameson. Behind a glass window that seduces you into peeking to see what's inside, this statue is amazingly realistic.

Sex Museum

Tickets were cheap, but we didn't know what to expect. After two steps into the place, all I can say is don't bring the kids. The museum itself has multiple levels with all different kinds of statues, displays, and photographs of men and women in compromising positions and performing provocative sexual acts. Some even involve animals, but I'll keep this PG-16 for now. As you gallivant throughout the narrow hallways, the exhibits are interesting and in some ways twisted. Some of the displays even have motion detectors so that when you walk by, a mannequin with an erection jumps out at you as if to be a sexual assailant. Then you have the ones that are actually mechanical and demonstrate some of the acts only those older than eighteen should know about.

After completing our brief tour of Amsterdam, we returned to the airport. We still had a few hours before the flight which game me some time to compute and catch up on email back at work. Next stop Cairo, Egypt.

After two days of travel, we finally arrived in Cairo. Batting the flies away from my person, we moved through customs and were headed to the next stop, baggage. Narrowly escaping disaster, all of our bags had made it from the United States to Egypt. It was about 2am at the time, so we flagged done a van to take us to our new accommodations for the week at the Concorde El Salaam. Exhausted, it was time for bed after a few phone calls to notify the parents and girlfriend that I had made it.

The next few days were all business. As usual, I won't bore you with the work-related details, but the gist of it was we were there on a recruiting effort. After three days of 8+ hour days of pure interviewing, let's just say I was beginning to become delirious. Fortunately, just on the horizon was our tour of Egypt.

Egyptian Museum

After placing our tourist outfits on and meeting our guide for the day, Sayed, we embarked on an all day journey into the sights and spectacles Egypt had to offer. First stop was the Egyptian museum. Quite different than the Sex Museum I'll admit. Although one exhibit shared striking similarities to that off the museum in Amsterdam by having on display King Tut's condom. Yes, you read that correctly. I would have taken a picture, but cameras were strictly forbidden in the museum.

As we strolled through the endless Egyptian artifacts on display, Sayed gave us the scoop on the major highlights in the museum. There were an amazing number of statues and other artifacts on display, many of which were embroidered with real gold.

After making our way through all the exhibits, we were ready to move onto our next stop, the pyramids. Before we arrived, Sayed was working overtime on helping us to understand the history of the pyramids and even told us about the story of the Scorpion King. In fact, and to our surprise, Sayed was actually an egyptologist and had studied in school for four years to earn his degree in egyptology. He was kind of enough to teach us some of the language we needed to get around:

• Shukran – Thank you
• La – No
• Aiwa – Yes
• Habibi – My friend (same sex) or Sweetheart (opposite sex)

The one word or phrase you must be very familiar with is "La", which means "no". Or "La shukran" which means "no thank you". Although people in Egypt are extremely kind and helpful, there are certain areas where tourists are like prey for merchants. One merchant even tried to use the "bait and switch" tactic with me. Sorry habibi, it didn't work. The best thing you can do is avoid eye contact and keep saying "La".

The Pyramids

You read about them in books, you've seen them on television, and now, we were going to visit them live and in person. Right before arriving, Sayed warned us in advance about the tactics used by some of the solicitors at the pyramids. He informed not to accept any gifts even if the person said they would be free because the minute you accepted, they were on you like hawks trying to get you to give them money. It was somewhat humorous because while standing around talking, another tourist whom obviously wasn't forewarned fell victim to this attack.

The pyramids themselves are gigantic. They aren't in mint condition by any stretch of the imagination, but they are a marvel that you can only appreciate in person. Even the smallest blocks used to construct the pyramids weighed over 5000lbs. As we climbed up a few blocks high, you must ask yourself the question of how they heck they constructed such a thing thousands of years ago.

Camel rides for everyone

After exploring the pyramids, it was time to experience a camel ride, and the first one ever for most of us. Camels are just plain ugly and they stink, but that didn't stop us. Prior to leaving for Egypt, everyone wanted to ensure we had photographed one of our colleagues, Jane, riding a camel. Volunteering to go first, Jane mounted the camel ever so carefully to avoid performing an accidental front flip over the camel. Thanks Jane, now we knew how to get on safely. As we trotted ever so slowly to our next drop spot, I was designated the picture taker. With one hand on the saddle handle, I was using my other to skillfully manage my photography duties with both a phone and camera. Upon reaching the end of our little trip, the insides of my thighs were painfully sore. I can't imagine using those animals for a regular means of transportation.

The Sphinx

We've all probably seen pictures of the Sphinx in either magazines or on television. Prior to the trip, I thought it would be some majestic statue that towered in front of all the rest of the pyramids. Quite the opposite. The Sphinx is about 66 feet high and looks like it did battle with Mike Tyson and a jackhammer at the same time. It's beat up, missing its nose and part of its head, and in less than stellar condition. Despite my hopes for something a little more impressive being crushed, it was still rewarding to visited this wildly talked about tourist attraction.

The Khan el-Khalili

Talked about for days, our last stop was "The Khan" as it was referred to by one of our colleagues. Remember that strategy of employing the use of the word "la" on the regular basis, well, that's exactly what had to be done as you navigated your group through the backstreets and alleys where merchants swarmed to you like flies on you know what. We did a lot of "la la-ing" everywhere we went. We purchased a few things from a number of merchants and bargained our way as best we could. I visited one interesting place that was selling paintings that were done on papyrus. One artistic masterpiece really caught my eye. It was a papyrus painting of King Tut that glowed and was seemingly three-dimensional.

After negotiating with the merchant, he attempted to pull the bait and switch technique stating that there was something wrong with the painting I wanted and that he would replace it with a better quality one. By board of advisors (e.g., Sayed and Jerry) advised me not to let him swap them. "LAAAAA, I want that one", I said. Breathing a sign of frustration, the merchant wrapped up my painting and we headed back home soon after.

Our journey had finally come to an end. But close the book on this story, let me provide one other tidbit of advice for those traveling to Cairo. *Traffic in Cairo is insane. They have all the necessities that make for a traffic system including headlights on the cars, traffic signals and signs, and even lines indicating lanes on the highway. Despite these traffic control instruments being in place, nobody and I mean absolutely nobody, pays them any mind whatsoever. It is accustom to drive without your headlights at night. Horns are nothing more than a signal to say "Hey, I'm over here". People speed through stop signs and traffic lights and nobody pays attention to the lines on the road. Rush hour is like salmon swimming upstream to mate, it's every fish for himself and if you aren't paying attention, you drown. Not only that, but there is no such concept as a pedestrian crossing. Crossing the road in Cairo is like playing Frogger in Doom's nightmare mode.

With all that said, the trip was quite rewarding. It was great to experience things I had only read about in a magazine or seen on television. I brought plenty of gifts back, including a few handcrafted Cartouches. I'll tell you one thing though, it's good to be back in the States.